Search This Blog

June 28, 2012

Embrace the mess.

Maybe young women don’t wonder whether they can have it all any longer, but in case any of you are wondering, of course you can have it all. What are you going to do? Everything, is my guess. It will be a little messy, but embrace the mess. It will be complicated, but rejoice in the complications. It will not be anything like what you think it will be like, but surprises are good for you. And don’t be frightened: you can always change your mind. I know: I’ve had four careers and three husbands.Nora Ephron 

June 26, 2012

i believe...

i believe in lucky pennies. i believe that every time i put them in a shot glass bearing the name of my grandfather's bar i really bring luck upon myself, if only because i think about him when i do it.

i believe that thoughts put into the universe count as prayers, no matter how small. i believe that prayer heals. so does walking alone for hours. 

i believe in libraries, the honor system, and people who keep their word. 

i believe in this woman. i can't wait to talk about this at book club. and drink pink lemonade snapple. i believe in her beautiful advice column, and the new book that features some of them. 

i believe in the phrase tiny beautiful things. i believe in paying attention to all of the tiny beautiful things in our lives.

i believe there should be a "breakfast/ good morning" club on the bus. someone brings the redeyes, someone else bakes muffins, and another brings juice boxes and cartons of milk. i really feel like it could work. 

i believe The Big Chill soundtrack is one of the best things since sliced bread.

i believe a level 25 on the elliptical with mary j. blige is a great way to start your tuesday.


June 23, 2012

this is how you love yourself. you add to this list.


you treat your life like a garden. anything can grow if cared for properly.

you go to bed early on a friday night because your body demands it. you wake even earlier on a saturday to pay $10 to have your ass handed to you at kickboxing. you love every minute, even when you want to scream. you give yourself an hour to feel exhausted and proud. you remind yourself that this is not the hardest thing you have ever done or will ever do. this is how you love yourself.

you order chinese food, one container, if your body craves it. you allow yourself this treat. you do not berate yourself. you listen to your body. but you throw away the leftovers. baby steps. this is how you love yourself.

you go to yoga and when the instructor comes over because he sees you're struggling and fighting and you want to explode this means you're afraid of something, which means you're close. which means you need to stop fighting. this is how you love yourself.

you let the kind man who has entered your life kiss you at a baseball game. the fact that his kisses make you shake, well, you say a prayer of thanks for that. you remind yourself that you deserve kisses that make you shake. this is how you love yourself.

you listen when people tell you you need to lighten up. but if you listen to the criticism (backed by support) then you also need to listen to the positive. this is how you love yourself.

you stop thinking of yourself as a number. you are more than this. for the last time, stay off the fucking scale. this is how you love yourself.

you learn to love more parts of yourself, the physical and non-physical. you love the legs you work so hard for, your green eyes, how your hair looks in a simple ponytail and how this makes you feel-relaxed. and how you're trying to let yourself feel that more often. it's normal to feel moments of both love and frustration for your body, but you need to stop bringing on so many moments of frustration. all of them are unnecessary and undeserved. you spend far too much time looking in mirrors trying to see what parts of the old girl are still there. that girl, most of her, is gone. stop trying to find her. continue to work at letting her go. this is how you love yourself.

you bring more books on the train. you read the travel magazines you want to write for. you write long letters to younger versions of yourself. you write the pitches and send them in. this is how you love yourself.

you stop wishing for things. wishing is waiting and you no longer have time for that. wishing is not living. doing is living. remember the difference. this is how you love yourself. 

the girl you used to be, the way you used to treat yourself-you need to let go of these things, all of them. they are holding you back. stop worrying about being too much for people. you promised yourself you'd get out of your own way. it's time to deliver. this is how you love yourself. 

you make this list as long as you want. this is how you love yourself.  


lovelybride.com

June 20, 2012

the things people say, and what the words do to you.


When I hear something that forces me to stop, in that moment I tell myself, “Pay attention. This is a sign.” Lately I’ve been witness to quite a few signs. I'm grateful for them. And I'm grateful that I keep really smart people around me.

Yoga is a fun way of finding yourself.

My yoga instructor first said this a few weeks ago and he said it again this week. Most Monday evenings I want to snap, "Dennis, I'm finding that I cannot bend this way or hold this pose. I find that this is not relaxing. I am finding that I am incapable of relaxing. And that is why I'm here." The other instructor tells us, "Set your intentions for this class. What is your goal? What do you want for yourself tonight? This week?” Most weeks my intention is, Let yourself be happy. So simple. Simple. I am the first to dispense these words to girlfriends or co-workers who need a shoulder or set of ears, but it's all too common to ignore our own advice.

Life is too short for stuffing. 

At a recent visit to the dentist, my doctor said this to me. I listened. Through gasps and tears, I listened. I don't do well at the dentist, but it's getting much better than it was in the past. But she said this to me and I remember thinking, "I love that she just said that. Write it down. Write it down!" Life is too short for stuffing. Life is too short for going through an entire day holding our breath and not doing/saying what we need to say in order to feel peace.

Don’t get in the way of your own happiness.

Someone said this recently and I thought of it the other night while getting ready for bed. I stood in a coral dress in my bathroom and stared at my face in the mirror. I washed my face. I took out my simple silver stud earrings. I looked at myself and I felt pretty. Two times I always feel pretty-working out to the point of exhaustion and after I clean my face. Maybe it's because I’m in such a pure state during both-no fuss, no makeup, just simplicity. I often forget how easy things are when you choose to keep them that way, when you wish simplicity and calm upon yourself. 

I think a big part of happiness is gratitude. When I feel like I’m being swallowed whole by my life I stop and make a list.  If it’s not a to-do list it’s a gratitude list.  It feels good to make these. It feels good to say prayers of thanks for every single thing that makes me smile and feel blessed, no matter how "small."
 
I'm working on questioning things less and feeling them more. Doubting things less and enjoying them more. And getting out of my own way.




the one you feed.


 amen.


June 19, 2012

some days require more than one pause.



take as many as you need.

taking a moment.


i stand at my bedroom window as the cool air brushes my bare legs. i drink coffee and listen to the birds call the world to wake and get moving. i see the sun poke through the trees and i feel the city stir.

i used to have the r version of this mug, but i chipped it. i went back to the store and chose this one: h for hope. every time i take it from my shelf i'm reminded of this, what a beautiful thing hope really is. right now, i'm full of it, for a thousand different reasons. and i'm going to continue to work at letting myself feel and enjoy it.

June 17, 2012

sunday night list of gratitude.


today i am grateful for...

rain, and the peaceful sleep that followed
chocolate cake donuts
clean sheets
afternoon naps
running shorts
long walks spent with bon iver
the way my neighborhood feels at different times of the day
how it felt to listen to the second song on a train to st. louis
mini vacations spent catching up with my best friend and a lunch that lasted over two hours
laughing so hard my face hurts
butterflies

Catching up, 28 hours in St. Louis, and a Saturday afternoon baby shower.











































June 13, 2012

summer bucket list, so far.


1. ride the ferris wheel at navy pier.

2. movies/picnics in the park.

3. more baseball. always more baseball.

4. go to the beach. and wear a big floppy hat.

5. run and bike along the lakefront.


7. read all of the books gathering dust on my bedside table.

8. maxi dresses and margaritas.

9. take another road trip, even if it's a short one. it must involve fishing.

10. find a tree like this and fall asleep underneath it.





via


June 11, 2012

a letter to my sixteen-year-old self.

i'm so flattered that i was asked to write a letter for this blog. i am in love with this woman’s writing. 

this is what i would tell my younger self. what would you?

Dear Rhiannon Lenore,

Stop hating your name. Stop. You have a beautiful name. It will serve as a good ice breaker, especially when meeting men. But you hate being different; you always have. You won't always feel this way. Embrace that by having a different name you're in some way destined to have a different life. Don't be afraid of this.

Tell someone you are starving yourself. Please. Tell someone you are binging and hurting your body. You don't think you can tell anyone and that is a dark and consuming feeling. You feel like you're breaking; this won’t last forever. But you will continue to hurt yourself for a long time, ten more years. Ten years. You will spend far too much time doing bad things to your body. You will lose weight, and gain it back, and lose it again, and gain it back, but you’ll finally get to a place where you save your own life. 

Those boys who are tormenting you at school for being tall and fat will wind up exactly where everyone said they would.

Take road trips by yourself. You will take your first one at 26. It will be exactly what you need at the time. It will heal you. Let it. 

Give yoga a chance, running too. You're afraid because you have a feeling these things could help you. You will push away a lot of people and things capable of helping you. Stop.

When you go to Florence when you're twenty-one, you will go on three dates with a man named Dario. The night you meet him you'll let him kiss you in a club called Space Electronica. It will be awful, but he will be kind and romantic and take you to lunch and show you the city. You won't allow yourself to enjoy it. You'll spend the whole time questioning why he chose you over the other girls. The year before you go you'll lose close to one hundred pounds and you won't know what to do or how to act around men. You'll continue to feel this way in your twenties. You will waste a lot of time doing this.  You'll eventually learn to do it less. Know in your heart that the right man will support you and love your body.

The first time you allow a man to make you feel small let it be the last.

Don’t allow bad experiences to make you hard. Feel your sadness and anger. Write about all of it, and then let it go.

When your friends get married and have babies, or their second baby, at times it will make you worry. This is not your path right now and that does not mean your life is any less beautiful or significant than theirs.

It will take a very long time and a lot of therapy and crying and writing and running, but you’re finally healing. And you’re open to finding love. Rhi, you’re able to do this because you finally know how to love yourself. Some people never get there.

You spent so much of your childhood feeling lonely, but as you get older you will come to cherish and crave solitude.

Listen to yourself. Trust yourself. Love yourself.

Remember that the best revenge is living well. Go live, sweet girl.

You deserve the world. Go get it.

Love,
Me 

June 10, 2012

the best saturday night in a long time.

i went on the best date in the history of dates last night. more than once i said to the man sitting next to me, nights like this don't happen in real life.

i wanted to write about it and talk about how wonderful the night was, but i took a step back and decided not to. it's private and as much as i want to share things on my blog i have to keep some for myself. i want to respect his privacy too. 

he reads my blog and i love how respectful he is about my writing. it means everything to me. 

so i'll just say this-to the kind and funny man who made everything last night so easy, thank you. for all of it.

June 6, 2012

not much at all.


She did not need much, wanted very little. A kind word, sincerity, fresh air, clean water, a garden, kisses, books to read, sheltering arms, a cosy bed, and to love and be loved in return.  
-Starra Neely Blade 

things that make me happy.



 





it's been too long since i took myself to the movies on a sunday afternoon. this will do just fine.

 
the letter i'm writing to my sixteen-year-old self because this fabulous woman asked me to.

this show. i'm in love with it. and i'm keeping all of the episodes on my dvr.

and this.

it's been a good week and it's only wednesday. i may have tap-danced a bit on the train platform yesterday.*



*i did it in the drugstore too. i'm not sorry.

June 3, 2012

life, as of late.